I had planned a really positive post about my newfound desire to start running again. I was going to post it after my appointment with my personal trainer. This also means it was a weigh-in today and I felt confident about it. I had been very good with my eating (although I'm starting to question my definition of "good"). I had skipped the gym on Monday because we had the first snow storm of the season, and as usual, monstrous traffic ensued. I figured my eating would compensate, plus the little shovelling I had to do, I thought all was good.
I even committed to a new non-weight related goal: I want to run a 10K in the spring. And I plan on training for that separately from my regular sessions, as an extra (easy to manage now that I only have to run a mile or so, we'll see how it goes when the distances build up). So all was good. I even skillfully managed an office social-gathering tonight at the restaurant with a 560 cals entrée (when every thing else on the menu was 800 cals and up, that's good) and only one glass of wine. Granted, this is half my calories for a day, but since I was going to the gym, and my others meals had been reasonable, I feel good about it.
Then, I got to my appointment and got on the scale. For the first time since I started my journey, I saw a gain when I expected a loss. I was SO frustrated by it! That 0.8 pounds. I know it shouldn't have bothered me that much. I know 0.8 pounds is not much and probably isn't really a gain. But still, it's not a LOSS! And my friend's wedding is this Saturday and I'm not under 200 lbs. It was the only timed goal I had. Be under 200 before the wedding.
So tonight, I am not happy and that meant one mean session on the elliptical. So I guess it all turns out in the end. I have to remind myself that this is not a race, there is no finish line and that it doesn't really matter what weight I am at any given specific time, as long as I make healthy choices. It will eventually pay off, when I look at the big picture.
Showing posts with label gym. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gym. Show all posts
2010-11-15
Don't Look Back In Anger
My life has been pretty much the same routine in the past few weeks. Going to work, going to the gym. Dinner with friends and family on the week-ends. Nothing very exciting, really and certainly nothing I felt was worth blogging about.
Yesterday, I was shopping for a dress for my friends’ wedding. I’m very happy that I found one for just 50$ but I’m slightly bummed that I had to settle for a size 18. I had tried on size 16 pants a couple of weeks ago and they fitted nicely. I really hoped to be able to buy a size 16 dress, there is such a difference in the choices available when you can fit in a size 16 since a lot of brands carry up to 16 but not higher (it’s even better when you’re a size 8 or 10, but that’s not in my reach right now).
My non-official short-term goal was to be at least down to 200 lbs by the wedding on Dec. 11th. It is still feasible, but this effing plateau is likely to make it a race to the finish. Today, I am at 208 lbs which means 4 weeks to lose 8 pounds. I am still motivated to loose the weight, but I’m really anxious to move on to the next part of my life, where I won’t be consumed by thoughts of food (what to eat? When to eat? Can I eat this? How many calories is this?) and that my most useful app on the iPod won’t be “Lose It”. I want to be able to be content with how I am at the moment, without any thought of how much more I have to go and how great it’ll be when I reach a “normal” weight. And don’t get me wrong, it’s not all that much about wishful thinking I wouldn’t be finding faults in my body when I reach goal. It’s more about the irritants of being overweight. Shopping for clothes, boots (my calves do NOT fit into knee-high boots, no matter how badly I want to be able to wear those) is a clear reminder that even if, looking at myself in the mirror, I feel good about the road traveled so far, there is still a long way to go. A clear reminder that I am not up to society’s standards yet. By that I don’t mean I don’t think I’m beautiful (although this can be debated) but simply that on a day where I felt satisfied and confident, I got a reality check: girl, don’t delude yourself, you’re still fat. I still don’t see what’s in the mirror correctly. I used to think I was a size 18. I obviously wasn’t since I’ve since lost 25 pounds and I still can’t fit in a smaller size but looking in the mirror at home and at the gym, I felt pretty certain I would fit comfortably in a 16. I even picked up a size 14 from the rack because it was the biggest size in a dress I liked. I couldn’t zip up the sizes 16. I guess I’m more than slightly bummed about this. It feels like I’ve been doing all this work and it’s hardly noticeable. It makes this whole process and the past 3 ½ months really frustrating.
** I wrote the first part of this post earlier today and decided to wait after the gym to publish it, in case my spirits improved. They did not. I've been hitting the gym pretty regularly all week and really giving it my all. I was really hoping to bust this plateau. When I weighed myself, I'm still at 209 lbs! Plateaus suck (even more)!
2010-11-04
There's A Stone In My Shoe
Allright. Let's be honest here. The reason I haven't been posting anything of value here is because I have not been doing so well with the plan.
Sure, I went to the gym. I ate some candy over Halloween, but not an insane amount. I have been mostly following the "plan". But I did it half-heartedly. I did not want to do any of it. I wanted to stay home, eat restaurant food, not cook. And I did some of that. I ate at restaurants more than I should have. I struggled to stay under the calorie count.
The worst part of it is I did not care much. I have not really gained. I'm still at 210, for the fourth week in a row and I did not really care. This week, for the first time since July, the efforts, the sacrifices did not appear to be worth it.
That is until tonight. I had my first real session with my private trainer. And it felt GOOD. I felt I could have given a little more but as usual with people that don't really know me, J did not think I could sustain a higher pace. That's allright, more room for improvement in the next sessions. Tonight, I'm really glad I signed up for private sessions. I think if I had been left on my own, my drive would have slowly died down, as it has in the past. I would have dropped to going to the gym twice a week, then once, then none at all. I know the drill, I've been down that road many times before. This time, I realize I need outside help to get over the downs one is bound to have. I am willing to admit I cannot do everything alone, which is a big step for me.
Sure, I went to the gym. I ate some candy over Halloween, but not an insane amount. I have been mostly following the "plan". But I did it half-heartedly. I did not want to do any of it. I wanted to stay home, eat restaurant food, not cook. And I did some of that. I ate at restaurants more than I should have. I struggled to stay under the calorie count.
The worst part of it is I did not care much. I have not really gained. I'm still at 210, for the fourth week in a row and I did not really care. This week, for the first time since July, the efforts, the sacrifices did not appear to be worth it.
That is until tonight. I had my first real session with my private trainer. And it felt GOOD. I felt I could have given a little more but as usual with people that don't really know me, J did not think I could sustain a higher pace. That's allright, more room for improvement in the next sessions. Tonight, I'm really glad I signed up for private sessions. I think if I had been left on my own, my drive would have slowly died down, as it has in the past. I would have dropped to going to the gym twice a week, then once, then none at all. I know the drill, I've been down that road many times before. This time, I realize I need outside help to get over the downs one is bound to have. I am willing to admit I cannot do everything alone, which is a big step for me.
2010-10-28
Will You Still Need Me When I'm 64?
When I registered for a personal trainer at my gym, included in the package was a fitness assessment where a kinesiologist tested me on a few criteria to determine my “physiological age”, compared to my real age.
It started with a questionnaire regarding my daily habits in the last month (eating, exercise, drinking, etc.) and taking my blood pressure and resting heart rate. Then, she measured my waistline and what I would call the “roll pinches” where she pinched the fat at a couple of spots on the body (waist, calf, arms, back). Next was the cardio test where I had to walk at 3,4 mph and gradually increase the incline until I reached a heart rate of 145. I was also tested on my muscular endurance (lower back muscles, crunches and push-ups) and my flexibility, as well as how high I could jump.
I thought things went pretty well, and although I was not expecting my results to be the same age as I am in real life, I did not expect to be diagnosed as having a body of a 58 year old! That is exactly double my current age. And it's also after losing 25 pounds and doing regular exercise for about three months. I can only imagine how bad it was before I started doing any of this.
This did put me down a little. Especially the cardio part, where I did not expect to score so bad. Of course, I knew there are major improvements to be done to my body, if only for health reasons. However, I thought my overall shape was not too bad. I can run. I can touch my toes (although it is not easy). I can lift weights. I can do a lot of things my “normal weight” friends can’t. I was really convinced this would make a difference (and it did a little, my “age” in the cardio and body shape measurements is something like 68 years old). I was starting to feel better about myself. Today, I feel fat and little bit ashamed. Not of the past 3 months, but of the last 15 years, of letting myself do that to my body. Today, I see the road ahead of me, and it seems incredibly long. I am discouraged to find out that I am definitely on a plateau, for the third week in a row now. Today, I don’t feel as confident that I will ever get there, where ever "there" is.
2010-10-17
Simon Says...
You know, I'm the kind of person who, if told to do things one way, will try to do them the other way, just because I don't like to be told what to do. It doesn't mean I don't listen to advice, it's just if you pressure me to do something, you can count on me not doing it, or at least, not the way you're telling me.
For example, on vacation, in Beijing. Now this town is HUGE. The travel guides all said it is not practical to walk anywhere. Outside every subway station, there were "bike-taxis" trying to get me to hire them to get to my final destination "Heellloooo lady! Ricksaw! Very cheap! Summer palace very far!" Well, I walked (and it wasn't all that bad either. Granted, sometimes, the sights were very far, but hey, walking is a good exercise!). Just because too many people were trying to convince me otherwise (to be honest, I did not really trust the ricksaw guys either).
This week, I'll have my first session with a trainer at the gym. I know he's going to try and convince me to stick to the meal plan in the book provided with the gym package. And I know I won't. Because I know I can take into account a suggestion to eat more of one thing or another, but I will not follow a plan that tells me to eat this and that on Day 1, and some other thing on Day 2 and so on. Come on, for eight weeks, having no flexibility?
I'm fine with this, I just really hope that the trainer will respect this and not try to give me a guilt trip because I did not eat what was written in the book. To me, as long as I eat healthy and stay in my alloted calorie budget, what I eat is my business. I want a trainer to give me exercises, make sure I'm doing them correctly, and push myself a little more.
For example, on vacation, in Beijing. Now this town is HUGE. The travel guides all said it is not practical to walk anywhere. Outside every subway station, there were "bike-taxis" trying to get me to hire them to get to my final destination "Heellloooo lady! Ricksaw! Very cheap! Summer palace very far!" Well, I walked (and it wasn't all that bad either. Granted, sometimes, the sights were very far, but hey, walking is a good exercise!). Just because too many people were trying to convince me otherwise (to be honest, I did not really trust the ricksaw guys either).
Heellloooo! Ricksaw!
This week, I'll have my first session with a trainer at the gym. I know he's going to try and convince me to stick to the meal plan in the book provided with the gym package. And I know I won't. Because I know I can take into account a suggestion to eat more of one thing or another, but I will not follow a plan that tells me to eat this and that on Day 1, and some other thing on Day 2 and so on. Come on, for eight weeks, having no flexibility?
I'm fine with this, I just really hope that the trainer will respect this and not try to give me a guilt trip because I did not eat what was written in the book. To me, as long as I eat healthy and stay in my alloted calorie budget, what I eat is my business. I want a trainer to give me exercises, make sure I'm doing them correctly, and push myself a little more.
2010-09-16
Keep On Keeping On
It was raining and cold today so I decided to go to the gym instead of running outside. I ran on the treadmill which for some reason is so much harder for me than running outside. I did intervalls, I don't think I could have run for 25 straight minutes on the treadmill, but I pushed my speed compared to what I do when running outside.
I also took the opportunity to sign up for a personal trainer. I think I'm getting near the point where I'll need someone to kick my behind a little (and someone to be accountable to) and I chose to start after my vacation in October (China!!), when I'll probably be out of the habit of working out per say, and it'll cold and most likely rainy here so it's not going to be as simple to get a run in my schedule.
The upcoming couple of weeks are also going to be a challenge to me: season premieres! Being an (hopefully ex) couch potato, there are a lot of shows I followed in the past seasons. Now I have to make choices (and maybe watch a couple of episodes online). Sigh. My life is hard (hahaha)
I also took the opportunity to sign up for a personal trainer. I think I'm getting near the point where I'll need someone to kick my behind a little (and someone to be accountable to) and I chose to start after my vacation in October (China!!), when I'll probably be out of the habit of working out per say, and it'll cold and most likely rainy here so it's not going to be as simple to get a run in my schedule.
The upcoming couple of weeks are also going to be a challenge to me: season premieres! Being an (hopefully ex) couch potato, there are a lot of shows I followed in the past seasons. Now I have to make choices (and maybe watch a couple of episodes online). Sigh. My life is hard (hahaha)
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