Sorry for the lack of posts lately. I simply did not have anything significant to say. I mean, how many times can I simply state “I ate so and so, I ran (or did not run), etc.” There’s already so much insignificant rant on the net, if I can spare you guys (if anyone is reading this blog!) from my own insignificant rant, I sure will!
So, I’ve been at this for about a month now, I guess it’s about time I tell you all a little bit about myself!
My weight story is not special. It’s like that of so many (just browse the blogs, you’ll see!) When I look at how I got here I think part of it is I conditioned myself to overeating. Like Pavlov’s dog. When I was a kid, my mom (who’s had her own struggle with her weight) kept telling me I inherited the “fat” genes from her side of the family and that, unlike my brother and sister (who were lucky enough to inherit my dad’s “skinny” genes), I had to pay attention to what I ate. I don’t quite know why but I really felt deprived of something and in junior high, I would treat myself almost every day to a sugar-y snack (toffee, chocolate, ice cream). I knew my mom wouldn’t approve but I almost couldn’t help myself. I grew out of that when I got in high school and I entered a phase of my life where I played a lot sports (soccer, swimming, cross-country skiing, cycling). I took pride in being in good shape and I was at probably my lowest weight (probably around 150 lbs-160 lbs, but I don’t know for sure). I guess I could have been slimmer but I was happy and as confident as one can be at 17 with the way I looked. Then a boy came along. He was not a sports kind of guy. In fact, he was (and still is from what I gather) somewhat of a couch potato. He played a little hockey but the activities we did together we more in the range of watching movies. I had just started a job that required me to work nights and week-ends, so I couldn’t play soccer on the team anymore. And my then boyfriend complained that we didn’t see each other enough so I scratched cross-country skiing from my schedule to free myself up to spend time with him. Now understand that I do not blame him for my weight gain. It’s the choices I made that got me here and I can’t blame anyone one but me. Anyway, it was still ok because I was emotionally happy. There was no void to fill with food. After two years, we broke up and I took it hard. At first, I lost a lot of weight (like 15-20 pounds). However, after a couple of weeks when I realized it really was over, I fell into a slight depression and within a year, I had gained back the 15-20 pounds and they kept piling on. I went from a size 10 to a 14 in the blink of an eye. When I wanted to start doing sports again, I’d be completely discouraged at how bad and out of shape I was. I would struggle to ski two miles when I used to do 10 or 15 just for fun. Couldn’t keep up with other players on the soccer field. I didn’t want to go swimming which was a sport I could still do without too much physical trouble because I did not want to be seen in my bathing suit. So I piled on some more pounds as the years passed and sports became increasingly difficult. Gradually gained weight until being the size 18-20 I am now. I have been eating often out of boredom. Often, it was to keep me busy in situations where I felt uncomfortable (large parties where I would compare myself to the other girls in attendance for example) or when I would feel upset about something. I have been telling myself I should do something about it for years. Now I really want to do it. Here’s a list of why I want to:
1- My mom has been diagnosed with diabetes a couple of years back. I do not want to end up developing the disease as well.
2- I want to be able to choose my clothing style, not determine it merely according to what I can fit into.
3- I do not want to be the girl that has to be subbed at half time because I’m out of breath/out of shape
4- I do not want to pass up on activities with friends because I’m afraid I won’t be able to follow or would slow everyone down.
5- I don’t want to have to come up with excuses as to why I’m not going in the water at pool parties.
6- I don’t want to be a statistic on obesity anymore.
7- I want to be the best I can be, and 70 pounds overweight is not the best.
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